Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 9)

The third step of humility is to submit oneself out of love of God to whatever obedience under a superior may require of us; it is the example of the Lord himself that we follow in this way, as we know from St Paul's words: he was made obedient even unto death. (From Para. 9 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

I'm obedient when I respond to another out of love and gratitude, not out of fear or resentment. Love and gratitude are aspects of my true self; fear and resentment are but habits of my ego. Love expands; fear dies; little by little my ego is transformed.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 8)

The second step of humility is not to love having our own way nor to delight in our own desires. (From para. 8 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Delight in my own desires, as wonderful as it sounds, is but an aspect of my heart closed in on itself. When life breaks open a heart, as it does, it breaks it open to love the whole world.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 7)

And so, if the eyes of the Lord are watching the good and the wicked, and if at all times the Lord looks down from heaven on the sons and daughters of men to see if any show understanding in seeking God, and if the angels assigned to care for us report our deeds to the Lord day and night, we must be on our guard every hour or else, as the psalmist says, the time may come when God will observe us falling into evil and so made worthless. (From para. 7 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

How can I be made worthless? How could I possibly be made worthless? I'm not sure that that could truly be the fate of a child of God. And yet, I grasp St. Benedict's urgent message for me to stay awake, to stay aware of God's constant presence, and to seek God constantly. St Paul says that it's in God that I live, and move, and have my being. That is the relationship, already present, that keeps me from being "worthless".

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 6-7)

As to pursuing our own will we are warned against that when scripture says to us: turn away from your own desires; and in the Lord's prayer itself we pray that his will may be brought to fulfilment in us. (From para. 6 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

In the practice of saying the mantra, I learn to turn away from my own will.  Fr. John teaches me that this is the way of poverty of spirit, leading to purity of heart. When my heart is finally pure, the Lord's will may also be mine.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 5)

One who follows that way finds protection at all times from sin and vice of thought, of tongue, of hand, of foot, of self-will and of disordered sensual desire, so as to lead a life that is completely open before the scrutiny of God and of his angels who watch over us from hour to hour. (From para. 5 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

The disorder of the human condition, of my condition, is always seeking its true harmony and integrity in God -- that is, in union with my Source.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraph 4)

The first step of humility is to cherish at all times the sense of awe with which we should turn to God. It should drive forgetfulness away... (From para. 4 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

The first step of humility, it seems to me, is nothing less than continuous prayer! "To cherish at all times the sense of awe with which [I] should turn to God" -- in relationship -- is what the practice of meditation teaches me, little by little, day after day, for a lifetime.

Chapter 7: The value of humility (paragraphs 1-3)

The Word of God in scripture teaches us in clear and resounding terms that anyone who lays claim to a high position will be brought low and anyone who is modest in self-appraisal will be lifted up.
(From para. 1 of Ch. 7 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

"Anyone who is modest in self-appraisal will be lifted up", Benedict says. John Main teaches me that on the way to true self-knowledge (modest self-appraisal) I must learn, through meditation, to live out of the center of my being. In doing so, I must learn stability. "The essential stability is the reality of our own being", he says, "and how many are in touch with that?" (Silence and Stillness, p. 267)

Chapter 6: Cherishing silence in the monastery

I am guarded about the way I speak and have accepted silence in humility refraining even from words that are good. (From para. 1 of Ch. 6 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Listening to the mantra has taught me how to listen to others.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 4-5)

We should remember, however, that such obedience will be acceptable to God and rewarding to us, if we carry out the orders given us in a way that is not fearful, nor slow, nor half-hearted, nor marred by murmuring or the sort of compliance that betrays resentment. (From para. 4 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

In the translation of the Rule that I'm reading, Abbot Barry notes that murmuring is not a legitimate means for dealing with the complaints that may arise in community, because it can destroy confidence in community life. He goes on to say that, for the individuals who murmur, "[murmuring] becomes increasingly addictive and [murmurers] develop a corresponding blindness to the harm they are doing to themselves and to others." Meditation makes me increasingly alert to habits of my mind and heart that arise from a false sense of self, so that I may correct my course toward love.

Chapter 5: Monastic obedience (paragraphs 1-3)

The first step on the way to humility is to obey an order without delaying for a moment. That is a response which comes easily to those who hold nothing dearer than Christ himself. (From para. 1 of Ch. 5 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Benedict's injunction could sometimes lead me, not to obedience, but to impulsivity or confusion. This is especially true if my ego is in overdrive, if I am coming from a place of fear, and my own discernment isn't clear. But "holding nothing dearer than Christ himself" will lead me to a loving relationship to those around me. Meditation leads me to a grounding in the heart, and a responsiveness borne of love.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 9-13)

You should take delight in listening to sacred reading and in often turning generously to prayer.

(From para. 9 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

There's no doubt in my mind that a fruit of meditation is the gradual expansion of spirit into the flow of ever more continuous prayer. 

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 6-8)

Keep the reality of death always before your eyes, have a care about how you act every hour of your life and be sure that God is present everywhere and that he certainly sees and understands what you are about. (From para. 7 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

In order to see the reality of death and the presence of God, I must live in the present moment with selfless attention. If I can live this way in the present moment, I'm in relationship with my source and my destiny -- coming from love, for love.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 8-9)

It is above all important that monastic superiors should not underrate or think lightly of the salvation of the souls committed to them by giving too much attention to transient affairs of this world which have no lasting value.
(From para. 8 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

To see the soul of another requires selfless attention. Distractions can keep me mired in what is merely passing.

Chapter 4: Guidelines for Christian and monastic good practice (paragraphs 1-2)

Renounce your own desires and ambitions so as to be free to follow Christ. (From para. 2 of Ch. 4 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, 1997.)

Let go of the darting and grasping of my ego, so as to be free to live in the moment, in the peace of Christ.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraphs 2-3)

Such is the appropriate way to conform to that precept of scripture: If you act always after hearing the counsel of others, you will avoid the need to repent of your decision afterwards.
(From para. 3 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

I'm grateful when the Spirit inspires me with energy and initiative; it's come to feel like a very trustworthy partnership! And yet, I also know that to act within a loving community requires counsel, discernment, and patience, for the very reason that the movement must be of the Spirit, and not of my ego.

Chapter 3: Calling the community together for consultation (paragraph 1)

When any business of importance is to be considered in the monastery, the abbot or abbess should summon the whole community together and personally explain to them the agenda that lies before them. After hearing the advice of the community, the superior should consider it carefully in private and only then make a judgement about what is the best decision. (From para. 1 of Ch. 3 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, 1997.)

The purpose of my seeking advice in important decisions is not to find someone to agree with me, but to open my mind to the wisdom of the community, to the spirit that lives within and among us, and find consensus.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraphs 8-9)

It is above all important that monastic superiors should not underrate or think lightly of the salvation of the souls committed to them by giving too much attention to transient affairs of this world which have no lasting value.
(From para. 8 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Am I in the presence of God as I move throughout my day, or am I in the fabrications of my ego?

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 7)

It is the task of the superiors to adapt with sympathetic understanding to the needs of each so that they may not only avoid any loss but even have the joy of increasing the number of good sheep in the flock committed to them.
(From para. 7 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry OSB, 1997.)

Adapting with sympathetic understanding, it seems to me, is a fruit of selfless attention. Such attention has the power to transform my consciousness, and thus the consciousness of the world, through my simple, faithful practice.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 5-6)

They should make their own the different ways of teaching which the Apostle Paul recommended to Timothy when he told him to make use of criticism, of entreaty and of rebuke. (From para. 5 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

If I'm to know how to guide someone most appropriately, I must first listen to them with the ear of my heart.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 4)

They should not select for special treatment any individual in the monastery. (From para. 4 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I can't be an authentic leader committed to the welfare of others, and play favorites. But I'll have my favorites, my special friends, and love them in a powerful way that will teeter on the edge of exclusivity. The Dalai Lama and Benedict remind me that true love always sets another free.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot or abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"To give a lead" -- I recognize that as a parent of older children my main job is to remind them how to be on the best path. I can model that, too, but what I can't do is control. Leadership is not about control but about love.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 2)

In fact they should remember that they will have to account in the awesome judgement of God both for their own teaching and also for the obedience of their disciples.  (From para. 2 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

My hunch about the judgment of God is that it's "awesome" because it's somehow inclusive, and probably the term "judgment" doesn't really apply at all. I'm treading on mysterious territory here, but the contemplative experience helps me see that so-called judgment may actually be more of a purification -- a burning away of all that causes individual separateness -- but not of individual responsibility. I'm responsible for my own actions and the infinite ways they reverberate in the universe. This is a paradox of uniqueness and unity.

Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 1)

Anyone who aspires as abbot or abbess to be superior of a monastery should always remember what is meant by the title and fulfil in their monastic life all that is required in one holding the office of monastic superior. (From para. 1 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

It seems to me that holding an office can be done in an "official" or even "officious" way, but what's really required of me, in the office of parent, teacher, caregiver, friend, is to be authentic -- humble through being in touch with my true self. Leadership is a paradox of weakness and strength, of service and supervision, of the the heart and the head. In any role I play, however minor, it's my calling as a Christian to mediate something of the divine.

Chapter 1: Four approaches to monastic life

For a rule of life [Sarabaites] have only the satisfaction of their own desires. Any precept they think up for themselves and then decide to adopt they do not hesitate to call holy. Anything they dislike they consider inadmissable. (From para. 3 of Ch. 1 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

This represents a kind of inner disorganization to me -- not knowing what to choose from among the smorgasbord of spiritual practice, wasting energy on a constant reference to my conflicting opinions. With the practice of meditation I'm guided into a kind, loving and other-centered approach to life. Even when my practice falters, I know for sure what my practice is, and find a glimmering of spiritual freedom in this stability.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 8)

If, however, you find in it anything which seems rather strict, but which is demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, do not let that frighten you into fleeing from the way of salvation; it is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with. (From para. 8 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Meditation, it seems to me, is also a school for the Lord's service. The practice of the mantra is strict, demanded reasonably for the correction of vice or the preservation of love, and is a way which is bound to seem narrow to start with.

Prologue to the Rule (paragraph 7)

We must, therefore, prepare our hearts and bodies to serve him under the guidance of holy obedience. Conscious in this undertaking of our own weakness let us ask the Lord to give us through his grace the help we need. (From para. 7 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

Preparing my heart, my body... acknowledging weakness. Conscious of my own weakness and asking for grace. This, to me, is the essence of the discipline that I long for. Accepting my limitations only long enough to let the infinite potential of my Creator live in me, or I in it.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 6)

For that very reason also, so that we may mend our evil ways, the days of our mortal lives are allowed us as a sort of truce for improvement. (From para. 6 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I associate the word "truce" with warfare, but the roots of the word are in "truth". What better reason for me to live each day, than to come closer to the truth of who I am in the expanding Spirit.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 5)

And so now to prepare ourselves for the journey before us let us renew our faith and set ourselves high standards by which to lead our lives. (From para. 5 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

I can't think of any higher standard than living in the unitive consciousness of love. It's a standard to which I will fall short, and remember only intermittently. But it's the same love in which I aspire to live that is already sustaining me.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 4)

What gentler encouragement could we have, my dear brothers and sisters, than that word from the Lord calling us to himself in such a way! We can see with what loving concern the Lord points out to us the path of life. (From para. 4 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

That gentle and encouraging word that Benedict speaks of, can also be understood in my experience as the mantra. Just as meditation is not "my" meditation, perhaps the mantra is not "my" mantra, either, but is, in the first place, the word from the Lord calling me to himself.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraph 3)

However late, then, it may seem, let us rouse ourselves from lethargy. That is what scripture urges on us when it says: the time has come for us to rouse ourselves from sleep. Let us open our eyes to the light that can change us into the likeness of God. (From para. 3 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

However late, then, it may seem, being in the presence of God is not something I "missed". The presence is here, now, and so it is never too late for me to open my eyes to the light that can change me into the likeness of God, the timeless light.

Prologue to The Rule (paragraphs 1-2)

This, then, is the beginning of my advice: make prayer the first step in anything worthwhile that you attempt. (From para. 2 of Prologue to The Rule of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

At the beginning of the Prologue, Benedict links prayer to obedience, and so it seems to me that prayer becomes my request, my consent, for the grace to be obedient. Through obedience, anything I attempt becomes worthwhile, and so gradually my prayer for obedience becomes the song of my day.