Chapter 2: Gifts needed by an abbot or abbess (paragraph 3)

Any, then, who accept the name of abbot or abbess should give a lead to their disciples by two distinct methods of teaching -- by example of the lives they lead (and that is the most important way) and by the words they use in their teaching. (From para. 3 of Ch. 2 of Saint Benedict's Rule, trans. by Patrick Barry, OSB, 1997.)

"To give a lead" -- I recognize that as a parent of older children my main job is to remind them how to be on the best path. I can model that, too, but what I can't do is control. Leadership is not about control, but about an ardent and detached love.